Here’s how the Two Chunky Girls roll: their special day out? Salads at a McDonald’s INSIDE a Walmart. And what are we doing today? We’re sitting in the Duke Hematology Lab where Heather is getting an iron transfusion that takes six hours. Her appointment was at ten and they started her IV at noon. So yeah, it’s going to be a long day. We’re calling it “Chunkypalooza” because we’re allegedly going to write a whole bunch of brilliant blog posts and get ahead of the game.
So here is how the Chunky Girls prepare for six-plus hours in the hospital: we pack food.
Last night Heather said, “Should I just pack an ALDI bag or try to be subtle and put it in my leather laptop bag?”
Patricia’s response: “Let’s at least TRY to not make a spectacle of ourselves. If we show up with a giant bag of food they’re going to say, ‘Ma’am, this is just a day procedure. You won’t need your overnight suitcase,’ and then you’ll have to say, ‘Oh, no, this is my lunch.’”
However, Heather was supposed to pack food, and instead she packed COOKIES. A lot of cookies, it’s true, but nothing with any actual nutritional value. But Heather pretty much just runs on caffeine (which may explain why she needs an IRON transfusion—eat some meat!) so we procured a mocha latte for her at the cafeteria on the way in, so she’s doing just fine.
Patricia, on the other hand, has been thinking about why her stomach is growling since around 10 am. She’s getting ready to make a run for Chick-fil-A. She keeps saying it’s because she wants a grilled Southwestern salad, but we all know it’s about the waffle fries.
So anyway, the appointment was at 10 and nothing was started until after noon. So we’re going to be here for hours and hours and hours. And Heather is afraid she might get so bored that she’ll be forced TO READ. She’s quite horrified, actually. Meanwhile, Patricia keeps trying to sneak looks at her Kindle. Heather is failing to entertain her—like having an IV in her hand is any excuse to be boring!
But we’re laughing and being loud. None of the other transfusion patients seem to be seeing the humor in this situation the way we are. Do you think it’s a coincidence that none of the other patients have chosen the recliner directly next to Heather?
However, in true Chunky Girl fashion, Heather looks cute. She’s wearing her black velour track suit and her black and pink Nike sneakers and LIPSTICK, with a faux alligator clutch. She is stylin’. No one does a transfusion the way H does.
So here we are. Hangin’ at Duke in the hematology lab. The sad part is we’ve actually been looking forward to this ALL week, because we’d get to spend the entire day alone together. I mean, it definitely beats the McDonald’s in the Walmart.
Yup, that’s how the Two Chunky Girls roll.
